How did we meet? Oh you know, it was way back in college. I had just moved into my dorm, trying to get a feel for the place, and that’s where I met this super cool dude, Luc. His hair was spiked in a wacky manner, he carried a pitchfork, and his breath smelled of rotten eggs and cabbage. I just knew he was different, special even! Anyway, he asked me to join this super secret society. I was honoured, you know? I was never very popular back in Knoxville. Most kids found my fervent, dare I say, evangelical love and adoration for Barry Goldwater, strange and unpleasant. Their loss, Luc used to say. Anywho, Luc asked me to join his super secret society. I was excited, but weary because the University of Tennessee was known - at the time - for its sadistic hazing rituals. One boy was forced to move to Tibet and practice Buddhism for 8 years before he even got noticed by one of the more exclusive fraternities on campus. Luckily for me, the only “hazing” Luc wanted me to do was repeat a phrase in Latin three times. I think I even remember it. Uh, let’s see here. Ah yes: “Aeternum animam trado. Nihil sum. Tu es omnia. Ave diaboli. Ave diaboli. Ave diabolus meum unum verum regem.” Beautiful stuff, I have no idea what it means, but as soon as I said it all the life in my eyes drained away and was replaced with something that has been described by many as “crazy”, “dead”, or “void of any soul or humanity.” I mean, I guess that troubles me… That, and the nightmares. Every night when I close my eyes I enter a world of pure chaos and terror where my blood boils and spews from every orifice (we have so many!) and three-headed dogs feast upon toddlers and it feels as if the weight of the world is located right behind my third eye and the pressure builds, and builds, and build, and builds until my brain melts and turns into mixture of pus and feces… Well you get the idea (except not all. haha.) But on the flip-side my career has been off-the-charts successful! We’re talking law school, National Guard, attorney, state court judge, US Congressman, hell they even named a library after me. So yeah, I’m doing alright (wink!) I’m Jimmy Duncan and I am delightful (that’s just something I say when the chorus of demons that live in my head starts to act up). Now why don’t you review my Voting Record, and then read about my ideas regarding gender and violence.
SNAKE OIL FOR YOUR BRAIN ------ alex dot typical at gmail dot com
Links you to the best