Stop using honey soaked voices and ukuleles to convince me that your home equity loans are better than the other guys’. I hate the coddling. I don’t need a fake friend cooing “equity, loan payments” in my ear while a bunny plays an acoustic Arcade Fire set. Just tell it to me straight. I’m a grown up, just like most of your customers. What, you don’t think we can handle it? You think we’ll cower in the corner? Nonsense. Everyone knows banks are boring and a pain in the ass. It’s not like when we walk into one we’re expecting to be greeted with a lei and a mai-tai as some soft-spoken lady tells us what’s what regarding our mortgage. Banks are fluorescent dives with high ceilings, where you wait in endless lines and sip on stale, tea-toned coffee. The experience is far from pleasant, but it’s necessary, we accept it, so quit acting as if we don’t.