Stole a can from work because I really like the idea of cleaning with uhhh can. I didn’t realize that it turns into Mr.Freeze if you use it for more than 1 minute. Now I got even more sad respect for that crazy lady.

Ten things Canadians should be proud of today…

1- We read non-fiction books and can argue about stuff.
2- We’re polite and say “You’re welcome” after “Thank you.” We are really cool to each other for the most part.
3- We’ve had passports since we were little kids.
4- Our healthcare system really is as good as they say it is.
5- We know how to give ‘er in two languages. Let’s fuggin’ Give ‘Er today hostie d’chalice d’tabernak!
6- We do the dishes.
7- We are all funny because it’s so cold we end up watching TV all winter but with the highly developed mind (see #1) so we end up memorizing shitty pop culture and giving it a fucked up analysis AKA humor, sorry, “humour.”
8- We have redneck hunters and pretentious frogs in the same country. Sometimes in the same person!
9- Degrassi
10- Again, we burned the White House to the fucking ground. In your face Pearl Harbor, sorry, “Harbour.”

Street Carnage

Great ideas come like a flash of lightening and stay like a raging cash of herpes. Last night God whispered one of those ideas into my ear. At first I was all sheepish and embarrassed.  “God?” I said. Then he was all “No, seriously, you gotta trust me, yo” And then I was all “OK.” And then he said “Cool” and I was like “Awesome”… This went on for 17 more minutes, so I’ll just cut to the chase… And God said in a booming, echoey, God sounding voice: “Alex, put your empty cider cans into the paper bag you got from the liquor store. This shall be the Bag of Truth and you shall use it to spread your message of truth and love, and love and truth around the world. Or until the bag rips because the empties still have a little cider left in them because it’s really hard to finish an entire can. If you’re drinking out of tall cans you’re gonna have some residue.” And so I followed God’s advice cos not following God’s advice would be pretty fucking stupid, and I put the empties in the bag and smashed, and smashed, and smashed some more. It was glorious, I finally understood why those those kids joined the Children’s Crusade in 1212. Even when the non-bag believers tried to relieve me of my love and truth spreading duties, I smashed some more. I also shrieked and laughed. What a great idea, thanks God.